Monday, November 29, 2010

More. More. I want more!

With Thanksgiving over I’ve had the weekend to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for. I’ve been tremendously blessed, especially in the past couple of years. The funny things is that I still find myself wanting more. I want more from myself, more from my husband and children, more from my life, more stuff, more, more, more. I have to ask myself “Why is that?” and ‘When will it be enough?”

God made us in His image so does that mean that this desire for more is a mirror of His own desire for more from us. Could my earthly desire for more, actually come from God? God wants more of us and more from us. He wants us completely and totally. He wants to leave nothing to chance or more appropriately nothing to sin. When He has it all there is nothing left for Satan.

Unfortunately because we are human, we are weak. We will always be tainted with our earthly desires.  Adam and Eve were tempted in the garden and our God given desire for more was twisted into what it is today. Satan has always used our desire for more to his gain. He twists it, taints it till what we have left is nothing more than selfishness and the desire for self satisfaction.

The ‘more’ we need to strive for is the desire for a greater, stronger relationship with God. We need to strip away all the material desires, all the selfish desires and seek to fill that need with the only thing that will fulfill us, our relationship with God. The more God we put in our lives the less room there is left for the ‘more’ of other things.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving Day Prayer

We are here to give thanks.
Thanks for the food laid here before us,
For it gives us nourishment and pleasure.
Thanks for family and friends,
For they give us love and laugher.
Thanks for those who have passed,
For they have given us smiles, memories and legacy.
We ask that wisdom, strength and protection be granted
To those who fight for freedom and peace.
We give thanks for their bravery and fortitude.
Lastly, Thanks to the Lord who guides and protects us
No matter which path we’re on,
For without His presence we are lost and alone.
To You almighty we give thanks.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Women of Faith Conference

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Women of Faith Conference. Now this slumber party of over 6,000 women was filled with great music, plenty of laughs, a few tears and many thought provoking ideas.

Here are just some of the nuggets I received and am chewing over:

  • Wisdom is skill in living
  • It’s good to feel inadequate when faced with a new challenge. You’ll grow into it. Ask God for wisdom and lean on Him.
  • Always speak softly, especially when faced with an angry person. If you don’t respond it takes away their power.
  • Be purposeful in what you put in your head. Something is going in there, you are in control of what.
  • Put boundaries on your emotions or they will run away with you and emotions can not be trusted.
  • Give everyone grace space – space to be human and make mistakes, we all make them.
  • Refuse to entertain unkind, negative thoughts and a runaway imaginations.
    Replace them with good and perfect thoughts – it will make a difference.
  • Forgiveness is a decision not an emotion.
  • Forgiveness is about us; trust is about them.
  • Forgiveness is about the past; trust is about the future.
  • Recovery is a process.
  • God is enough for us and we are enough for Him just the way we are.
  • We all have an ill-defined itch in our soul for more – God can satisfy it like nothing else can.

Finally probably one of the most powerful thought provoking session for me was with Andy Andrews when he spoke on the butterfly effect. Check it out it just may change your life.

Andy Andrews and The Butterfly Effect

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Weekend in review

Normally my blog is a bunch of words thrown together to hopefully make you think and reflect a little about your life and where you are going. Today its a little different, its a bunch of words I’ve thrown together to share the my weekend.

This past Labor Day weekend was just amazing. Both Paul & I had been given the weekend off from our duties at church on Sunday, which meant that we could spend the weekend together as a family. Now I did work a few hours on Saturday afternoon/evening, but otherwise we were lucky enough to spend it all together.

Now what did we do that was so special, in a nutshell nothing. We were able to sleep in till we woke up, cuddle together with the kids in bed, go to church together in the same car (something we never do) and generally just hang out together.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love our life and I love the fact that we have it full of commitments to church and friends, but sometimes taking a weekend to nothing for anyone else but yourself is great.

Yesterday we went to breakfast together and then went to the Hartville Fleamarkt. The weather was warm with a cool breeze, just prefect for wandering around. We spent hours walking and looking at stuff. Came home with fresh corn, watermelon, apples, red peppers and a few treasures for the kids.

We re-discovered each other and the joy of being the Bukowski Family – thank you Jesus for the gift of family and for an amazing, if not simple, weekend.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Time to move

Woke up this morning and honestly I’m just not feeling it. I’m tired physically, mentally & emotionally. As the mother of a very independent, head-strong 3 yrs old my hands are very full. Recently however he has begun to push his boundaries and my patience to the absolute limit.

He has brought me to tears and to my knees several times and yet life must go on. I must continue. I have a daughter who needs to do schooled, a husband to love, a house that needs cleaning, a ministry I’ve neglected, but how do I carry on?

Being on my knees, praying for help and leaning on Him is the easiest thing in the world for me, but even with doing that I must do something for myself. I must make that decision to accept what I have, enjoy my  life and make the most of it. The choice is mine as to how I react to the situation. I could sit and wallow in despair and depression or I can choose to ‘fake it till I make it’.

God promises to be there and I know that He is, but He doesn’t want me to just sit on my backside doing nothing. He wants me to put my brain in the right gear. He wants me to focus on Him, on my blessings and not one the difficulties and problems. I need to do my best with what I have and that means struggling through the darkness. It means following His light. Its means doing something.

I’m dumb founded at the simplicity and complexity of the answer. One thought at a time can and will change the entire outlook of a day, of a week, of life in general. Today I’m choosing to be in control of my thoughts. Today I’m choosing to do the hard work and get up and moving out of the mud.

I don’t know how long it will take before I’m out of the darkness, but I know I’m not alone. I can feel His arm around me guiding me as I move. When I stop He stops and when I move forward so does He with a smile on His face.

Monday, August 2, 2010

LEAP week

Okay LEAP week is over. I’m tired, dazed and very, very happy. Its like Christmas, you spend hours and hours on preparation and its all done in a day. Yep LEAP Give-away is just like that.

For those of you that don’t know LEAP is a community project my church does every week. We close down church activities and go out into the community to meet the needs of people right there. It ends with a huge back to school give-away that includes: school supplies, personal care supplies, new underwear, food,  clothes, we have doctors, dentists, eye doctors, hair dressers and over 20 agencies all available for people to take advantage of.This is a huge under taking and an incredible blessing not only to the community, but to the church as well.

I spent hours and hours sorting clothes. I went to meetings, had many conversations with people, made decisions and lead a team of volunteers to what I can only call victory. I had the pleasure of watching someone step up to the plate and assume leadership duties at the very last minute and what a great job she did.

For me the joy has come from seeing people stretching themselves and watching them grow. I’ve been amazed at how God has worked in me and how I’ve changed and grown. My challenge is figuring out what now?

This past 2 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I’ve laughed over the silliest things. I’ve cried because there were so many people needing help and I couldn’t help them all. I’ve been angry because people had let us down. I’ve seen God in places you wouldn’t believe and I’ve discovered things about myself that amazed me and ashamed me.

Wow this has been a powerful 2 weeks, no wonder I’m tired and no wonder I’m filled with excited and anticipation to see what comes next.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I am a Christian

I received this in an email this morning from a very good friend of mine. It truly made me stop and think about who I am and what I’m trying to say to the world at large. Take a moment to read it and reflect on your own attitude and life. Who are you and what are you saying to the world?

When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living. I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

What is generational sin?

A generational sin, iniquity or curse is something that has been passed down the family tree. It could have started many generations ago and you may not even realize where it has come from. It is something that started out as a simple sin, if there is ever such a thing as a simple sin. This sin was repeated again and again, eventually becoming a habit, a lifestyle. This lifestyle was passed on to the next generation and the next, perpetuating the sin. With each generation the sin gets stronger and stronger, the chains get heavier and heavier.

‘You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.’ (Exodus 20:5 NLT)

God forbids bowing down and worshipping any idol. An idol doesn’t have to be another God, it someone or something you place all you focus on; something you give your very best to; something that consumes you. It could be your children, your husband, your job, your addiction anything that is the center of your world. God tells us to put Him first and all the rest later. When we don’t do that we are sinning and are in danger of passing that on to our children – they get to pay for our sins and so do their children and so on. Remember that it isn’t just the third or fourth generation from us, but as our children sin the cycle begins again. This a cycle that can be broken, when you own the sin and seek forgiveness. Whether that sin is yours or a long dead relative you need to own it and seek to reconcile yourself back to God.

Examples of generational sins can be sexual sin, divorce, violence, stealing, corruption, depression, heart disease, cancer, health issues, suicide, anger, poverty, addiction, racism, or any negative behavior that can be coming down your family tree.


A New Tomorrow

With our salvation comes forgiveness, redemption. We are saved from our sins and the iniquities’ of our family.

“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” (Isaiah 53:5 NLT)

This forgiveness is free to anyone, but we must own that forgiveness.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

If we are reborn, made into a new creation why do so many of us struggle with the same things over and over? Why do we struggle at all? The answer to those questions is the devil. Our fight isn’t fought on this plain, but on a spiritual battle field. This is where the devil and his minions attack us. Telling us lies and keeping us from believing the truth.

When a sin becomes an iniquity it is up to us to claim our right to forgiveness. Unfortunately just because we break the cycle of sin, doesn’t mean that this is the end to it. The area of our life that was affected by the curse is now going to be a weakness for us and our children. The devil knows this and will continue to tempt us in that area. Our faith in God, our willingness to please Him and our dependence on Him and the Holy Spirit will see us through.

We will always have a struggle in this area. More importantly the devil will tempt our children in this area as well. We need to make sure we are aware of this and see to it that we teach our children accordingly. It is our responsibility to lay the foundations necessary to fortify our children. We need to give them the tools needed to recognize the temptations and say “NO!” to them. We need to pray for their protection, show them how to get into God’s word. Show them the joy of serving our great God. Most importantly show them by living a faith based life. We need to surround them with positive influence, shielding them of the devil’s subtle temptations. The devil uses the world to tell his lies and our children are vulnerable to the world and the peer pressures placed upon them.

We can’t make their decisions for them. We can only pray that we have given them enough knowledge to make the choice to follow God’s word. Our children will have to make that choice because of God’s gift of freewill. If they do make a wrong choice we need to continue to love them through it and to pray that their eyes will be open to the sin they are committing. Remember we can only be responsible for our own lives not the lives of our adult children.



Iniquity - a violation of right or duty; wicked act; sin.

Sin - any act regarded as such a transgression, esp. a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle

Transgression - an act of transgressing; violation of a law, command, etc.; sin.

Curse - an evil that has been invoked upon one.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Compassion is defined as:

“A deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it”

In a nutshell compassion is a feeling. It’s that uncomfortable feeling that is deep inside of us when we see someone or something hurting. I want to turn that feeling into action. I want to change the noun into a verb.

We are all made in the image of God, so compassion is hard wired into us and comes directly from Him. Throughout humanity and religions there is the common thread of love and compassion.

The Buddhist leader the Dalai Lama has been quoted as saying,

“Love and compassion are necessities not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive”

And also “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

Islam calls its followers to be compassionate by giving alms to the poor and needy and the central theme of Wicca is “Harm none”.

Throughout the bible God has shown us countless examples of how compassionate and loving He is.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. – Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. – Mark 6:34 (NIV)

If non-believers in Christ can be compassionate and follow the hard-wiring placed in their hearts by God, shouldn’t we as Christ’s followers lead by example by loving more, doing more, giving more? ???

Friday, February 26, 2010

Vacation Hangover

Okay I’ve been home from vacation for 3 days now, you’d think I’d be over it but not me.

Now who doesn’t suffer from a vacation hangover every now and again? Well I’m suffering from it now.

I was feeling so great on the drive home. Chirpy, full of energy and ready to take on the world. I get home and I wake up cranky, unmotivated and completely out of sorts. After my rest away I should have all the patience and energy in the world so why don’t I – it’s the hangover thing.

My theory is that I’ve used up all my fun and happy vibes having a great time so when I got home I had nothing left and I to need build up my reserve again. This building up of happy vibes is made doubly difficult when you’ve got gray skies, snow, cold and yuk to deal with – totally happy vibeless if you ask me.

So how am I going to get my happy vibes back, well it certainly isn’t by doing the washing & cleaning the house. Let’s see I think that a tall order of chocolate and ice cream is called for, with a side order of movies, popcorn, Wii playing and generally having fun. I even think that I’ll put in an order of children’s laughter brought on by tickles and hugs. Yep this definitely sounds like a cure for the holiday hangover or even better still lets just pack up and go on vacation again ;-)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Book Review


In his book The Call Os Guinness showed me that calling in its purest form is the dreams and desires placed deep in our hearts. As Christians our goal is to live the life God has planned for us and to finally make it home. It is God’s call on our life that will show us the way and give us the path to follow to reach that ultimate goal.

Whilst reading this book I couldn’t help but agree out loud with the writer. There are several instances where his words solidified my thoughts. I became very aware of how easy it is to drift from our calling and find ourselves doing things for ourselves or for the world at large. I discovered how easy it is to use calling as a way of stroking our own egos and making things about us. It is easy to get caught up in the little things and in the details and forget what we are actually aiming for.

Listening to God’s call keeps us focused on our life’s purpose. It gives our life purpose. We are no long just surviving, just existing.

“Our gifts and destiny do not lie expressly in our parents’ wishes, our boss’ wishes, our peer group’s pressures, our generation’s prospects, or our society’s demands. Rather, we each need to know our own unique design, which is God’s design for us.”
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Finding and listening to the call on our lives makes us different. We are no long bound by society’s demands and life’s chaos. If we are running here, there and everywhere we are disjointed and fragmented. When we listen to the call we can live with purpose. We have a direction to move in. We are no longer pushed around, afloat upon the sea of material nothingness.

The final point this book brought home to me was the fact that we were called to ‘play to an audience of one’. Too often we try to live our lives to please everyone around us. We look for approval from our friends, our family, our boss, our co-workers and sometimes even strangers. When we are answering the call and we are focused on our purpose we no longer have to worry what others think of us. Of course we still need to live by society’s rules and we still need to keep our bosses happy for the income, but what we don’t need is their approval. The only approval we should seek is the approval of God. Is He happy with our effort to follow His path and answer His call to us?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


The definition of hope is to believe, desire, or trust. Hope is that intangible feeling in our inner most being that it’s going to be okay. Hope doesn’t have to be reasonable, it doesn’t even have to be probable. In fact most of the time hope is what keeps us going in hopeless situations.

My very first experience with hope was the first time I really thought about suicide. I thought it would be easier if I just died, but something stopped me. Something very, very deep in my heart told me that life would be okay and that someone, somewhere loved me. I didn’t know it yet, but God was whispering words of love and encouragement - words of hope.

When life becomes hopeless and filled with darkness we need to turn on the light. God promises that darkness can’t exist where His light is.

Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 (The Message)

We need to stop and look towards the only thing that can change things, Jesus Christ. We need to stop the voices that surround us and bombard us with hopelessness. We need to make the mental shift from the dark place, to a place of hope and light.

Recently I’ve had many opportunities to wallow in the dark pit of hopelessness and despair. The darkness was so heavy and oppressive and the voices were so loud. All I could hear was ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘It’s all your fault', ‘What’s the point in trying, you can’t do anything, you can’t make a difference’.

Then in the corner of the darkness was a small tiny light. The more I focused on it, moved towards it, the bigger it became. As the light became bigger, the darkness began to disappear and the voices became muffled. With the light came hope and with the hope came peace. When I have peace it is easier to find joy in life.

Accepting the gift of light, changes you. As you choose to focus on the light the power the darkness had over you dissipates and slowly your fear of the dark leaves you. You yourself become lighter, more peaceful, more joyful. Life changes. You know that you might not be able to make a difference, but your Lord and Savior can. Life is wonderful when you stand in the light and when you have hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit – Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Monday, January 18, 2010


It’s another new year, another time for reflection. It’s a time when many of us make resolutions, determinations, promises that this year is going to be different from last. Now is the time we look back and realize we’ve made a few wrong turns, a few side trips and we’re not on the road we’d like to be.

For me this is a time to remember how much my life has changed. I’ve been reflecting on how much it has changed in the past 10 years. I mean this time 10 years ago, I was newly wed, pregnant with my first child & living a pretty good life. I was empty on the inside even though this was a tremendously exciting time. I spent way too much money and struggled to keep up with the Jones, whoever they were. Life looked good from the outside, but on the inside there was something missing.

10 years later I’m the mother of two wonderful children. I’ve accepted the love and salvation of an incredibly merciful God. I’m studying to be a deacon and pursue a life of purpose. I’ve lost one of the most influential men in my life and I’ve seen my sister go through the pain of losing her best friend and husband. I’ve seen her struggle with finding herself and with all challenges associated with starting over again. I’ve cared for and lost a terminally ill parent.

I’ve learnt the only absolute in life is God; peace of mind comes from knowing that He is with me and is holding my hand; bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. I’ve come to accept life is less complicated if I follow instructions, don’t ask why and place God, my husband and my children above all else. I’ve learnt that looking out the window is far more enjoyable and challenging than looking in the mirror.

I don’t know what this year is going to be like. I know that I’m going to have to choose my attitude in some difficult situations. I’m hoping that I’ve learnt enough over the passed couple of years to choose action over reaction and truth over lies. I’m choosing to believe in the word and not in my feelings and emotions. This is going to be a great year. This is going to be an exciting year. I don’t know where it is headed, but it is going to be one heck of a ride.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


This article from a blog I follow really spoke to me this morning. The author is Bishop David Kendall.

“Keep in touch,” we say when friends part ways. “Touch” via phone, mail, and literal, physical touch assures continuing relationship. No longer to touch or somehow to become “untouchable” signals the death of relationship, and perhaps death period.

Ask an infant who starves or fails to thrive in the absence of touch. Ask young lovers, or old lovers, whose hearts chill and harden without touch. Ask the disgraced or diseased whose hope and help dissolve apart from touch. How vital touch is. The DNA simply requires it!

And, at Christmas time, in the deepest ways, God began to give it. God reached out to touch us. In the intimacy of a virgin’s womb, in the flailing of tiny manger-held arms and legs, in the squeeze of mommy’s finger, in the embrace of daddy’s neck—TOUCH—in the hollow sockets of blind eyes, in the weakness of lame legs, in the frenzy of demon torment, in the emptiness of hunger, in the brokenness of betrayal, in the stinging of the lash, in the shock of flesh-driven spikes, in the gasps of death throes—TOUCH. The touch of God—loving, healing, saving.

Now, we have been touched in order to touch. Let the touch of God be shared with all, especially the “untouchables” within reach!